Six Sentence Sunday

This is a continuation of last week. Kinda. Jane has told Sebatin that she doesn’t want him to come with her to the underground where the cannibal mermaids are. He argues that his Queen is sending him to ‘help’, ie find out if the corruption that turned the mermaids is something she can use. Jane says no again. He leaves in a huff. The Winter Queen shows her displeasure of sending her Chancellor back with the refusal.

She snorted and walked towards the steps to the second floor when the crippling cold hit her and drove her to her knees.

She couldn’t help the cry that escaped from her lips as her knees hit the floor first followed by the palms of her hands. It was like someone had taken an ice pick and shoved it into her spine. She gave a grunt as she tried to push herself up but the frigid cold was too much.

Guess he finally told her that she didn’t want him along. And was really pissed that she said no.

What are your six?

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4 Responses to “Six Sentence Sunday”

  1. I thought at the first the Winter Queen was the one snorting… took me a moment to figure out which she was which. Like the retaliation, though. Good stuff. 🙂

  2. Great description! I really like this scene. I totally dig the whole concept of the cannibal mermaids–what a cool twist. I was a little confused because of all the pronouns though (especially the last two lines). Only a suggestion, but might be clearer (when only giving us 6 sentences, LOL!) if you put in [brackets] who “she” is, just for clarity. So, it would read like: “[Jane] snorted and walked towards the steps to the second floor when the crippling cold hit her and drove her to her knees.” AND “Guess he finally told [the queen] that she didn’t want him along. And was really pissed that she said no.” We’ll know that in the MS it’ll be a pronoun instead 😀

  3. Loved the last line, great voice!

  4. I liked the last line and the humor despite the pain. Fun six. 🙂

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